The Killing Moon
by Cassandra L. Johnson
Summary: Jacob/Bella New Moon. Edward is gone. Bella is not really battling his lose very well. Charlie begins threatening to send her to her moms when Bella begins seeing Jacob Black.
1. Prologue

**Prologue: The Killing Moon**

I know Edward isn't coming back, I know it every day that I spend without him. I will never see him again. The Cullen's are gone; every trace of them has been washed away from Forks, but not from me. Not from my heart.

_Under blue moon I saw you_

_So soon you'll take me_

_Up in your arms_

_Too late to beg you or cancel it_

_Though I know it must be the killing time_

_Unwillingly mine_

His voice speaks to me; forever humming the lullaby he wrote for me, performed for me the day Edward took me to meet his parents or his parents for all intensive purposes. I never once saw it coming that day, Edward had been distant but never in a million years would I have thought that he would tell me that he didn't love me anymore, that he was leaving Forks. Foolishly for the first couple of months I let myself believe that he was leaving for me, because he loved me too much. Because he didn't want to steal a real life away from me when I had repeatedly told him that he was my life.

_Fate_

_Up against your will_

_Through the thick and thin_

_He will wait until, until_

_You give yourself to him_

Charlie is at his wits ends, he doesn't know what to do with me, and he's threatening to send me to Jacksonville to my mother if I don't start snapping out of this coma like state that I prefer to live in. How can I live without Edward? Did I put too much faith in him and his word? Doesn't everyone in love to that to themselves? But I don't want to go to Jacksonville without Edward I am a shell of what I used to be, but to leave the place where he once loved me would break me all together.

_In starlit nights I saw you_

_So cruelly you kissed me_

_Your lips a magic world_

_Your sky all hung with jewels_

_The killing moon_

_Will come too soon_

But I have to learn to live again, learn to live in a world without Edward Cullen. Seems impossible but it has to be done. Nothing can cover this hole in my heart, the piece of my heart that Edward took with him when he left the piece of himself that he had given me that he so cruelly ripped away with no cause for explanation. Ever girl goes through relationships that don't last, but other girls hadn't found their soul mate, they hadn't met Edward Cullen. Ten thousand times a day I see his face, ten thousand times I hear his voice, ten thousand times I think that he is right around the corner and I can catch up to him if I just run fast enough.

_Fate_

_Up against your will_

_Through the thick and thin_

_He will wait until_

_You give yourself to him_

But I will never catch up with him. Edward made it all to clear that he didn't love me on that last day, that he wanted nothing more to do with me. He took every shred of evidence that had ever proven he hadn't all been a dream. One amazing, beautiful, dream.

_Under blue moon I saw you_

_So soon you'll take me_

_Up in your arms_

_Too late to beg you or cancel it_

_Though I know it must be the killing time_

_Unwillingly mine._

Maybe he was a dream, someone I simply made up to make life in Forks bearable, I had sent myself to Forks so my mother could be happy when I didn't really want to be here in this sunless place, this valley of darkness and rain. Maybe Edward Cullen was my own personal punishment for having false feelings. Trying to be the Saint, putting myself in the shadows of my crazy mom could stand in the sun.

_Give yourself to him_

_Unwillingly mine_

_I know it must be the killing time._

**______________________________________________________________________**

**A/N:**_ This is the prologue to The Killing Moon. The song title is The Killing Moon and it is by Echo and the Bunnymen, I thought that the song really fit for where I am leading the story. Also the last bar of the song is not part of the song; I just made up that part because I didn't want to end it with the same repeated line from the song. Updating soon hopefully by the first of the year so keep watching and give me some reviews and I will love you forever._ _Also this is my first attempt at personal POV instead of third person._


	2. My December

**My December**

Whole months were passing by without me. I don't care. What was the reason for it all without Edward, without the Cullen's? Charlie is doing his best to be understanding but his patience is beginning to wear thin. Mike Newton's families sporting goods store is selling live trees. So at the break of dawn Charlie woke me up to go tree shopping. I've never seen him so enthusiastic about Christmas before, not since I was a little girl anyway.

Dragging myself out of bed, time to start the drill all over again.

Standing in front of the mirror staring at my reflection, my fair skin standing out against my dark hair. I look like I was born for Forks. _"Your hair looks like a haystack. But I like it."_ I close my eyes squeezing them shut against the days past, the first night Edward staid with me.

I can't fall apart. The loose stitches holding my heart together start to rip apart. I can't fall apart right now; I have to hold it together for Charlie. I'll think about it later. Later when I can cry, when Charlie is asleep.

"Come on Bells shake a leg." I hear Charlie call from outside the bathroom bringing down another box of Christmas decorations from the almost non existent attic. Opening my eyes again, I ignore the girl that I see in the mirror and was my face. My teeth and hair brushed I walk out of the bathroom and back into my room for a change of clothes. Time to put the mask on. Although it doesn't fool anyone least of all Charlie. I'm surprised that he has put up with it this long.

Fifteen minuets later Charlie and I are in my truck driving to Newton's for a tree, I would have asked why we couldn't just use the fake tree stored in the attic but I didn't want to kill Charlie's buzz. I know what he's doing, he's trying to get my mind off Edward, show me that life still goes on. Charlie has a lot of room to talk about moving on, has he even dated since mom left him? But I don't say anything, it would only hurt him and I get out of the truck doing my best to try and look like I am having a good time. But I could really care less about picking out a tree even though there are some really nice ones for sale.

Silently as we look around at the tree's I wonder what the Cullen's would be doing for Christmas had they staid. Did they celebrate Christmas? Or would Alice and Esme simply put together the idea of making the house look festive and go out and buy a tree, decorations just for me. Because I had brought life back into there never faltering routine of life. The thought opening presents with them reminds me of my birthday and what happened when I cut my finger on the wrapping paper. The look in their eyes smelling the blood, Edward shaking to stay in control. Willing himself not to kill me.

Kill me. There are worse things you can do to the people you love than killing them.

"Hi, Bella." It's Angela. She's the only one who hadn't lost hope in me yet. Eric is still nice to me too and Mike but Jessica is giving me the cold shoulder. Do I care? I have to ask myself that sometimes and I always answer the same question with the same answer. No.

"Hi Angie." I put on a fake smile. "Merry Christmas." And what a Merry Christmas it is isn't? Not really.

"Are you and Charlie looking for a tree? The really good ones are in the back." Angela really is a nice girl, and I should feel lucky that she's still my friend after all the unreturned phone calls all the unanswered questions. She's genuine. "I wanted to ask I called the other night but you dad said you were sleeping but we're having a Christmas party at my house on the 23rd and well I thought maybe you might like to come. You and Chief Swan." Angela never would just call Charlie by his name, not too often anyways and a Christmas party just isn't up my alley right now so I make up a lie.

"No, I think we're going down to La Push that day to visit with some friends of my dads." So it wasn't so much of a lie, going to see Billy and Jacob it could very well happen but it's not a definite.

Angela looks a little crest fallen but she smiles and picks her hopes back up off the wet ground and nods reaching out and giving me a hug. Something I hadn't altogether expected.

"Well if you're plans fall through give me a call we'd really love to have you."

I wish that people would be more like Jessica, at least she doesn't feel the need to offer me comfort that I don't want but I can't blame Angela so I return her hug and walk off to find Charlie. He's talking with Mike's dad about a tree as I walk up next to him only to regret it a second later. Mike is with him, even though he is going out with Jessica he wont leave me alone. Now that Edward is out of the way he thinks that it might be his chance to swoop in and save the damsel in distress. But this isn't a fairy tale, it stopped being a fairy tale the day that Edward Cullen left my life forever.

Mike's smiling at me, I'm trying to be nice today so I smile back as I begin to slowly try to slip away from the conversation at hand but Charlie puts his arm around my shoulder sensing what I am about to do. Bolt. Charlie thinks that Mike is a good kid, a real stand up kinda guy. And I would agree with him, but I don't like Mike in that kind of way when he obviously seems to get stars in his eyes ever time he sets eyes on me. What is wrong with this town? Why do so many guys like me here when in Phoenix guys didn't even realize that I existed? Heartbreak would be easier away from this place but it would be worse still because I couldn't willingly torture myself by driving out to the Cullen's house and stare in through the wall of glass that covered one entire side of the house. But now it just looks empty, and it is. All the life that was once there is gone.

"Can we talk Bella?" Mike asks.

Charlie lets go of my shoulders then, of course. The traitor. Walking with Mike through the trees I press my hands into my pockets to keep Mike from trying to hold one of them, he probably wouldn't but I'm not taking any chances and I can only hope that Jessica isn't somewhere around here because I have a feeling I know what this 'talk' is about.

"So Angela is having a Christmas party." Mike tells me.

"I know, she already asked me to come." I reply pretending to be very interested in a sad little tree. If I were a tree that would be me. It's a Charlie Brown tree.

The look on Mike's face looks very excited, kind of like when he asked me to the prom last spring right before I turned him down.

"Yeah, about that well I was wondering if…" He paused to look down at his hiking boots for a second or two a broad smile gracing his face. "Well if you wanted to go with me?"

The Charlie Brown tree no longer holds my fascination anymore as I turn to look at Mike, he looks so hopeful. "What about Jessica?"

Mike looks a little confused. "What about her?" He's squaring his shoulders, he's preparing to be a take charge guy. "If I wanted to go with Jessica I wouldn't be asking you." He chuckles a little nervously embarrassed with himself. "So will you go with me?"

I really don't want to hurt his feelings but I shake my head back and forth slowly. "Charlie and I are going to La Push to see some of his old friends Billy and Jacob Black, you remember Jake you met him the day we went to La Push?" I'm trying to make my tone soft easy going but its hard to hide the slight edge on it.

Mike nods. "Yeah, yeah I remember." He says looking at his shoes again. "Spent more time with him than me." He mumbles.

So that was uncalled for. "Hey." My brows crease together. "It's not like we were on a date or something we all went down there together it was a group thing." I don't really know what to say, I have confrontations but somehow Mike seems to be bringing out the worst of me right now.

"Yeah well you seem to like everyone better than you like me. Cullen now the Indian kid." Mike smirks.

I can't take anymore, I feel the final rip in my heart when Mike mentions Edward and I feel my knee's weakening my eyes burning starting to sting from the tears getting ready to fall as I turn walking away from him. I can't stay there and say anything else to Mike. Something that I might regret later because it feels like he is right. Mike is everything a girl my age should like, should fall head over heels for. But he's just a boy and that's the thing. I feel in love with a vampire, a beautiful, charming, old seventeen year old wonder and no average joe will be able to fill the void Edward left inside of me.

I leave Mike standing were he was stumbling and fumbling my way through the trees tripping once I get out of them and onto the side walk hurting my knee and my palm but there's no real damage just clumsy Bella again and I stand up quickly on my own Mr. Newton and Charlie are securing the tree that Charlie picked out into the back of my truck.

Reaching inside of my jacket pocket I toss Charlie the keys. He catches them looking at me with a worried expression.

"You drive, I just don't feel like it." I say brushing mud and dirt off of my knee where I fell. Charlie doesn't ask questions. He just opens the truck door and gets in and so do I rubbing my palms together feeling the sting from the wet pavement on it.

"You alright Bella?" Charlie's looking at me.

"Yeah, fine. Just slipped."

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"Bells, why don't you make us some hot chocolate to drink while we're putting decorations on the tree." Charlie surprisingly was still in a good mood after getting the tree in the house and nearly breaking his neck because he wouldn't let me help him.

Although he did prove a point, heavy lifting, a tree, and caution combined with my hand eye coordination did paint a pretty dangerous picture.

"Sure." Carefully making my way out of the living room, all the boxes from the attic were covering most of the living room floor. The probably hadn't seen the light of day since the Christmas when I was four years old.

Filling a pan with milk I put it on the stove while I filled two mugs with chocolate mix. I wondered silently how long Charlie's Christmas spirit was going to last. As long as we were both pretending to be happy I decided to put on some music for it. A couple years back I had sent him a mix of Christmas music on a CD after he told me that he had broken down and joined the twenty-first century and bought a CD player. I wasn't going to think about Edward or at least that's what I told myself and I did a pretty convincing job of it as I poured hot milk into our mugs and went back into the living room to watch Charlie stringing lights onto the Christmas tree. Putting on a smile I brought my coco to my lips taking a sip.

"It's really starting to look good." I told him as I maneuvered carefully through the living room placing my cup on the mantel as I handed Charlie his, he smiled and took a sip. So he looked like I was fooling him pretty good, I just hoped that my mask of happiness would last until it was time for bed.

Hour's passed and Charlie and I almost seemed to be having a good time, we sang along to the Christmas CD as we put decorations on the tree by the time we were done the tree was covered head to toe in lights pop corn strings, glass globes, glitter icicles, and a few old decorations that I made in school when I was little. Charlie and I both had to stand back to admire our work and it did seem to bring a genuine smile to our faces.

It was just like when I was little and didn't have a real care in the world, when I thought that the world was a safe and fair place, before I found out that not everything turns out the way that you think it will. And then the phone rang.

Sighing Charlie shrugged, he was used to getting the phone these days. Because Charlie didn't have caller I.D. I made him answer the phone, I was screening my calls so I followed him into the kitchen as he picked the phone up. "Chief Swan." It was automatic for Charlie to say that but then again anyone that ever called the house all knew that Charlie was the chief of police so no one ever seemed to give it a second thought but I did, I wondered if sometimes he ever just said 'Hello' but I suppose it doesn't really matter Charlie will always be Charlie.

By the look on Charlie's face I could guess that it wasn't good news and by the series of 'yeah, mmm, and uh huhs' that were sent through the air waves I knew that it was time for Charlie to take back up his role of Chief Swan loyal protector of Forks.

Hanging up the phone he looked at me. "Sorry Bella, seems a bear there's been a bear sighting not far from La Push and animal control's been called and I gotta make an appearance."

It was just as well that Charlie go to work now, you couldn't keep the outside world outside forever. "Was anyone hurt?" I asked. I could at least act like I was concerned.

"No, just shaken up a bit. Some campers saw it."

And that was all it took to make all my memories of Edward and his 'Camping' trips to come flooding back into my memory. I couldn't disguise the pain in my face but I shook it off as best that I could. "I'll just stack up the boxes in the hall closet…I don't think climbing into the attic would be a good idea while your not at home." Charlie put on his holster and jacket his face torn between leaving me and his work. But there was nothing to be done about it. "Good idea Bells." He said kissing my forehead. "Be back soon."

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**A/N:**_ First of all I would like to thank all of the readers who added The Killing Moon to their favorites and story alerts. I was overwhelmed by the response that the story got by so many Twilight Fans. Here is the very first chapter of The Killing Moon, it's a bit long I'm not sure right now if all the chapters will be as long but I'll do be best to make them all enjoyable. Now remember, please review because without reviews I have no idea if the readers are enjoying the story and when I don't know I loose inspiration to write. Also remember this is my first Twilight Fan Fiction so please be gentle if I mess something's up._


	3. Christmas

**Christmas**

The twenty-third came and I did not go to Angela's party making my fib true, Charlie and I actually did go to Billy and Jacob's for dinner.

Surprisingly I found that I liked it in La Push, of course I liked it even more since there were no memories of Edward there. Only the memories of Jacob and that day at First Beach when he told me his 'scary stories' that actually turned out to be more true than just an old tribe legend. However, I had never told Jacob that.

Jacob had grown a full head taller since the last time that I'd seen him, although Jacob's growth spurts didn't seem like news to Charlie. He was around La Push often enough not to notice what was happened right in front of his eyes; Charlie was blissfully ignorant to the strange things that happened to go on in and around Forks.

Sitting down to dinner with Billy and Jake was comfortable, you didn't have to put on airs and for a while I actually found myself having a good time. Billy was a good man and looking into that wizened broad face of his, I couldn't help but trust him, but forgive him for trying to make me break up with my then vampire boyfriend. Billy had been trying to protect me from a pain that I didn't need, only the pain he had been thinking of was only minor to living without the most perfect creature I had ever laid eyes on. At dinner I got the strange notion that Billy and Jake hadn't cooked a table full just for us which at our house this would have been a whole weeks worth of groceries. It couldn't have been just for Charlie and I, not the way Jacob was putting it away. It was like there was a bottomless pit and Jake was it!

After dinner, Billy and Charlie retreated to the front room to watch the game. I'd long since stopped paying attention to what sport it was. With Charlie there was always 'some' game on. I guess old habits died hard. Charlie had spent too many years setting his daily routine just to stop it when I decided to come and live with him, although when given the news he'd seemed genuinely happy with the idea that I would be staying with him with any degree of permanence.

Since I was of no use in the living room I started helping Jacob with the table.

"You don't have to do that Bella, I've got it."

Taking up the plates and silverware I shrugged. "It's alright Jake, I want to help."

Jake's russet skin was only enhanced by the brightness of his gleaming teeth as he smiled and began to run dish water. I supposed no one in the state of Washington had ever heard of a dishwasher.

Being with Jake was easy, there was no need to fill the silence with artificial chit chat we just kind of understood one another.

"I'm glad you and Charlie decided to come tonight," and he had to ruin it.

"We were starting to worry about you, you know after Cullen left and all." You just had to keep to talking didn't you?

Drying the last dish I nodded a little bit pulling the damp dish rag up to my chest to ease the painful burning sensation.

Jake seemed to see where the conversation was leading him. The zombie state crept back. As much as I tried to hide the pain, Jake still noticed.

"You wanna go out to the garage and take a look at the rabbit?" Jake asked flashing his big puppy dog eyes.

I was relieved for the change of subject. "I'd love to." I put the dish rag down and grabbed my jacket off my chair following Jack into the living room.

"We're going out to the garage."

I found it sweet that Jacob still asked permission before doing something, it was what all good kids did and for some reason just because I was eighteen now it didn't mean I was an adult but then again how much trouble could an eighteen year old and a sixteen year old get into in La Push?

As Jacob and I walked out the door I could almost feel Charlie and Billy smile at each other and couldn't shake the feeling this as all a set up of some kind.

In the garage, if one could call it a garage, Jacob showed me his vintage volks wagon Rabbit. He explained that he had been working on it all summer long when he hit a road block with a certain elusive part that he just couldn't get his hands on.

"That master cylinder thingy?" I said actually remembering his mentioning it at First Beach.

"Yeah, that's the one."

Jacob seemed overly happy that I had remembered the part he was looking for and I almost could see the wheels inside his head turning. Uh oh, I was going to have to squash that look of hope really soon or else I would have another Mike Newton to deal with. But Jacob was so nice; I really didn't want to hurt his feelings. After the other day with Mike I didn't care if _he_ never spoke to me again.

I sympathized as best as I could considering I really didn't know diddly squat about cars. But Jake made it easy to understand, he'd make a great mechanic someday, heck he'd make a great mechanic now if he wanted too, if Billy would let him. But I already know that Billy would really want Jacob to finish high school and make something of himself, strangely I found myself wanting that very same thing. I didn't think of Jacob as a kid that needed to be told what to do but as my friend who I would be genuinely concerned for should anything happen to him or if he decided to throw his whole life away.

Just as moments before I had been cautioning myself to take it easy with Jake and not give him any ideas, I found myself sitting in the rabbit with him drinking warm soda pops and talking to him about everything, about school, life, Edward. Even though Jake seemed to have a true dislike of Edward it didn't seem to be for any of the reasons that Billy did. Jake only disliked him for leaving me the empty shell that it always felt like I was. I was glad when the subject turned to Jacob and he was talking about his rabbit and what he would do when he finally got that master cylinder.

"When you get it, you can come down to Forks and we can hang out." And I wasn't just telling tales either. It would have been nice to have Jacob around to talk to.

Once again there was that look of hope in his eyes, I ignored it.

"Have you checked the junk yards?" I asked looking for a loop hole that would somehow take his mind off of a whirlwind romance with yours truly.

"Not really, if I did I wouldn't have any way to get to one." Jake said lamely looking over the steering wheel.

And that's when it hit me like a tone of bricks or like a living marble statue of what I could do. I had money saved up, it was supposed to go into a college found but with the way my grades had been the past few months I doubted that I had any luck of getting into any college. I needed a project to take my mind off of everything including Edward and all of the Cullen's, but I didn't just miss Edward I missed all of them. Even Jasper as hard as it was to believe.

"Well I have my truck…" I trailed off looking down into my lap for a second. "We could call around and see if any junk yards have one and if not we could go to an auto parts store in Seattle or another town in between." I could actually feel myself getting excited about this. I'd be out of Forks all the places that reminded me of Edward and I would be with a friend I could really talk to. Someone who understood me, and as weird as it sounded I understood Jacob too.

"Really?! You'd want to do that?" Jacob had a question in his eyes that was completely different from the one he'd asked. I would need to issue a certain degree of diplomacy in this.

"Sure? I mean we could hang out while you're fixing up the rabbit and ya know it would give us something to do on the weekends and after school." I said. "Friends can do that can't they?" I added at the end trying to as tactfully as I could let Jake now that I was only interested in being his friend without somehow hurting his feelings.

"Yeah." Jake said smiling his brilliant smile. "They can."

It almost hurt looking at him. He was so sweet and here I was just using him even though I really did want him as my friend. He was hoping for something that would never happen between us. But maybe hanging out together would clear those hopes away. Sticking my hand out, it was lame I know but I smiled.

"Shake on it?"

* * *

Christmas came and went that week filled with a few phone calls from Jake and trying to reestablish myself in the human race. I called Angela Christmas Eve morning to wish her a Merry Christmas and apologize for not being able to make it too her party. Ange didn't seem to mind at all she'd known I had other plans and she didn't make a big deal about it. She wished me and Charlie a Merry Christmas as well before we both said our good-byes and got off the phone.

Rene called twice Christmas day while I was cooking and nearly burnt the sweet potato casserole but it was okay. It was good to hear her voice. She sounded happy but a little sad that I wasn't with her and Paul. Paul called out his Christmas wishes over the phone just as I burned my thumb getting steaming mashed sweet potatoes out of the oven. Christmas with Charlie was different from when I was a kid but it was still nice. He was off work the whole day and miraculously there were no phone calls for Chief Swan that day either. Charlie watched the game occasionally that day while trying to help me in the kitchen. I could already feel a tradition in the making as he showed me how grandma Swan used to make her stuffing for the bird and we both got messy dressing the poor turkey.

At six o'clock we both sat down to Christmas dinner together for the first time in I can't remember in how many years. Charlie complimented my cooking, he always seemed grateful that I hadn't taken up my moms style of cooking and we both pigged out before stumbling into the living room looking like two stuffed birds ourselves to watch A Christmas Story that had been running back to back on TNT and TBS since the night before.

Sitting in front of the TV together I looked over at the sparkling Christmas tree smiling slightly. I still hurt for Edward and I knew that I would for a very long time, but for the first time in months I felt a shred of hope that maybe there was a little light at the end of one long dark lonely Charlie still had no idea what to get a teenage girl for Christmas he'd gotten me a small golden compact with two mirrors inside, it was beautiful with a mother of pearl butterfly on the front of the case. It was tucked in my jeans pocket. I knew I would probably never use it but still Charlie had given it too me, something from his heart. Something he said would remind me how beautiful I was inside and out for always even though the words Charlie used didn't exactly come out that way. Charlie would never be good with words just like I would never be good at any kind of sport, or keeping my balance for that fact.

My search for the perfect present for Charlie hadn't gone very well so I ended up getting him the things I new he needed like new jeans and more flannel shirts. I felt kind of less than when it came time for Charlie to open his presents but his eyes were bright none the less. Next year I would start my search early for something that had Charlie written all over it.

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**A/N:**_ the third chapter has finally been installed. I feel like it's a little lacking but I hope that you all enjoy it all the same. You all probably gave up on me by now but you'll learn that I write kind of sporadically. You never know when you might get an update on a story. But here it is, leave me reviews please and tell me what you think. Otherwise I wont know what to do with it next. Hopefully the plot will thicken soon._


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